It's hard for me to regret any of it, because I know who I am now more than ever. And especially now understand what I want and deserve.
It is hard to not regret the times I gave up so much of myself to something that wasn't worthwhile or lasting, but I think that's the way life can be, especially because it was a path I choose and not another path that was the best that God chose for me.
Our selfishness leads to pain. And that's hard to swallow, especially coming from a place of hurt. It doesn't excuse the behavior of others that has led to such hurt, but in the big picture it's very humbling to accept responsibility to God and God alone that I messed up, and he knows best. That trust is hard. Especially when you're handed something on a silver plate that looks so appealing. But we have the Holy Spirit in us that allows us to know right from wrong. I know that I should've followed that feeling a year ago, but I was selfish and not listening to what God had for me that was better. This is the hardest thing I've ever been through and walking through this process of healing isn't easy, but I'm humbled and glad to serve a God who is full of tender mercies and loves the crap out of me regardless of my selfishness and my heart that is so prone to wander.
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